The Real Oscar Awards

I apologize for the lengthy hiatus on my blog. No doubt many of you, my children, have been grieving a lack of my wisdom. We Cardinal Rectors know that our audiences love sitting at our feet and soaking up the precious pearls of knowledge that we dispense. It seems that I had to let go [...]

Creativity meets the Crucifixion…with startling results

One of the younger curates came into the office disturbed — as he is from time to time. His work includes scanning the various dispatches from diocese and national church, poor boy. It seems that I am called on to remind us all that indeed, in the fourteen days between the Sunday of the Passion [...]

To badly go where no priest has gone before

Don’t start with me on the split infinitive in this post’s title. That will be the least of your worries once you read on. It seems that a business called “Clergy Couture” has begun creating clergy attire for the day when chaplains are a routine part of the crew on spacecraft as they wing through [...]

Sermons that (Don’t) Work

There is a popular preaching resource in the Episcopal Church called “Sermons that Work.” Given the general state of preaching prowess throughout the land you might consider this to be oxymoronic. Or, if you are a preacher, you may be considering plagiarism. Below are the opening lines of actual sermons. And, no, they don’t work. [...]

Liturgical Acolyte Screener (LAS)

Tired of sloppily dressed acolytes? Annoyed by the wearing of untied red Converse Hightops? Does the latest Jay-Z ringtone interrupt the flow of liturgy? We’ve solved this problem by installing the Liturgical Acolyte Screener in the narthex. Manned by highly-trained LAS professionals who are personally trained by the parish verger, acolytes are required to walk [...]

Regrettable Vestments

God ordained that clergy and lay ministers should be properly attired during celebration of the liturgy. For priests, that’s cassock, alb, amice, girdle, and chasuble. Yes, chasuble even when it’s hot. I think I can join in the modern trend of being a bit loosy-goosey when it comes to the maniple. Of course, God didn’t [...]