Bad Window of the Day

My dear children, let me first convey my apologies for not writing these last few weeks. What can I say? It’s been a busy time. There was a new crop of curates to train. We had some unseasonable weather, and my beloved incense cellar was compromised. Fortunately, I had new curates, so I dispatched two [...]

Bad Window of the Day

I’ll title this most recent ecclesiastical atrocity the “Boy in a Bubble Window.” The head of our dear Lord appears to be hermetically sealed in some sort of space helmet. I nearly called this one the “Buzz Aldrich Window” in recognition of the NASA space program. The good news is that if Mary drops the [...]

Bad Window of the Day

I have nothing against preppy lads. Some of my parish’s greatest pledgers are preps of the first order. When not in church they can be found with Bloody Marys in their hands cutting bold figures in the oak-lined halls of the country club. Which, as I think about it, reminds me a lot of my [...]

Bad Window of the Day

It’s been awhile since I’ve offered you a “Bad Window of the Day.” You have most likely been waiting both patiently and prayerfully in an ongoing vigil. This one I will call the “Russian Roulette Window.” Spin the wheel on this nine-shooter and be blown away by any one of the hideous images. Some are [...]

Welcome to the Incense Cellar

Many of you have inquired about my world-renowned incense cellar. While I only admit specially trained curates, I graciously have decided to offer my extended congregation a one-time peek behind the wall of smoke. Before this journey begins, I would remind you that to covet is a sin. I would also add that until scratch-’n-sniff [...]

Bad Window of the Day

This window depicting the sacrament of Confirmation must have seemed like a good idea at the time. The donor may have pondered several choices: “I could memorialize the Parable of the Good Samaritan or Moses handing down the 10 Commandments or give parishioners a foretaste of the clergy sexual abuse scandal.” Unfortunately, option number three [...]

The Home Oratory: Unprecedented Access!

Many of you have asked about my home oratory and thus I am offering this exclusive sneak peak. Whenever I am not leading grand cathedral-style liturgy or drinking sherry I am often found leading an exemplary life of devotion in the sacred confines of my oratory. It is a place that embodies the rhythms of [...]

Bad Window of the Day

Far from drawing the viewer into a heightened spiritual state, this window is enough to make any former Roman Catholic cringe in fear (not that I am anything less than a “cradle” Anglican mind you). If it suddenly came to life, Nun-zilla would be chasing after you with a giant metal ruler followed by her [...]

Bad Window of the Day

Worshipers attend mass for spiritual not sensual arousal. I am not a prude (really) yet this window goes beyond the pale. And by pale I refer to flesh tones. Is it too much to ask for a single fig leaf? There’s enough pornography in the world today; the least we can do is keep it [...]

Bad Window of the Day

While there are plenty of books these days that should be burned, the Bible is not one of them. Yet this poorly rendered stained glass window seems to promote the grilling of Holy Scripture. Not to mention the cross itself — and we all know the connotations of that abhorrent  act. Thus this window takes [...]