Tattoo You

While I understand that many of you young folks are enamored with tattoos, they are a disgrace. They are to your body what not wearing a chasuble to celebrate the Eucharist is to the liturgy. “You shall not make any gashes in your flesh for the dead or tattoo any marks upon you: I am the Lord” (Leviticus 19:28).

To me the only viable Christian “tattoo” is the result of a thurible accident that has left a portion of your skin branded — preferably with the face of the Blessed Virgin Mary. While this would never happen at my fine church — the thurifers undergo intensive training that includes a two-year retreat in the massive, yet somehow not-drafty undercroft — I understand that some clergy and lay liturgical participants are not as well equipped for the rigors of offering holy smoke unto the Lord.

Nonetheless, I feel compelled to point out the worst of the offenders. If you recognize yourself, please unfriend me on Facebook until the liturgical laser has made you whole and unblemished.

This one looks like the disembodied hands of a football receiver about to catch a cross. And the statement “only God can judge me” is not true — I can judge this a lousy tattoo and the waste of a perfectly good back.

See if you can fly. Please. I’ll lead you up to the top of my lofty and imposing bell tower.

What can I say about this one except that it’s no wonder Jesus can’t bear to watch.

You’d close your eyes too if you were depicted like this — and with a pigeon about to poop on your head to boot. Although the back (or whatever this is) acne is a nice touch.

Please know that I’m posting this for your own good. There will be great joy in heaven if I can prevent even one of you from getting such a tattoo.

Yours in the Lord,

1 Comment

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“You shall not make any gashes in your flesh for the dead or tattoo any marks upon you: I am the Lord” (Leviticus 19:28)

Dear Father,

I see you still take the direction given in one verse from Leviticus at face value. I am curious what other verses in Leviticus you take at face value.

Humbly yours,
Bob Chapman

PS. In the fourth tatoo picture, that would be someone’s shoulder and arm.

Comment by Bob Chapman on January 13, 2011 6:37 pm

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